Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We had to coat check the pizza.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
