I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
