Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
