Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
