apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
