i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
