Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
