the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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