so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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