i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
