I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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