no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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