How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
