somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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