I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
