Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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