i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
