She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
