How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It's official drugs can't kill me
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I need moral support for this bender
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I think your dad took our porno
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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