i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
