sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
That was before I lit my hair on fire
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
