Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
