Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
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