What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
