Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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