just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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