I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
