Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
