when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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