forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
