the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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