The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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