I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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