Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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