woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
