I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
