She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
