Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
