Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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