I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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