"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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