I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
