Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
