My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
