Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
