My friends, they love my intelligence
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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