Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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