Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
