4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
