They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
