So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
And my parents said I crawled through the house
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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