Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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